Monday, September 24, 2007

Alright, alright already!

So after i have received multiple complaints(fr. kyle, mike burke and dad, cough,cough) that i basically ignore y'all (yes, i am developing a southern drawl, but only in writing. weird...)

i have an excuse...ok, no i really don't. i just get distracted. oh, and i have been planning 1,001 retreats--i hope i'm a pro by the end of all this.

the girls always make fun of me because i claim (behind the consas' backs of course) that all i do is hang out at Pinecrest Academy. they never believed me until they came one day and realized, that yes, in fact, i never have any reason to get stressed, because i make people hot chocolate.

i am the personal attention professional--and let me tell you, it totally stretched me everyday--i suck at details. i forget everything, and quiet frankly, i am lazy, so i do the bare minimum always. with everything. i am breaking that habit. slowly but surely. in confession and in spiritual direction weekly, i am constantly taking deep breaths and reminding myself that i am in fact taking baby steps, but they are moving forward. and the tortoise wins the race, so thats inspiring ( i hope you are hinting at my sarcasm).

so i can't express how excited i am to coem home! only 3 more days!

i just got back from a Triduum--and i just want you all to know my tactics and then i have to go to bed. i tend to be slightly blunt and this brings people to unexpected reality checks. well, there were many girls who were resistant to come on the retreat becasue they would be missing the football game. now, despite my sympathy for missing a social event, you don't understand--they are 1. obsessed with their school, 2. all their girlfriends will be at the retreat 3. aren't you over football games by junior year? and 4. their football is quite a disgrace.

so my sympathy is about nonexistant also going through these points, and my mind is focussed on the fact that we all need to work on making sacrifices. so this is my speech at one of the lunch tables on the tuesday before the weekend.

there are a few disclaimers i should make:
1. i do not at all feel bad about anything that escaped my mouth
2. my "supervisior" is probably the sweetest, calmest most charitable woman i know--so gentle and nonoffensive, and i had to tell her what i said (which makes this even funnier, imagine how she reacted)
3. this little schpeel got 37 girls to the retreat--the largest ever--i'm learning how to follow the Holy Spirit, finally.
4. the devil is a little shit. i'm sorry, it is very necessary. he THRIVES on destroying goodness. DUH, you may say, but you could feel his presence in prepping for this weekend.

imagine--high school luch room. all girls, planning (on a tuesday) what they will be wearing to the game and about homecoming and who is going with Max the hottiehottie German exchange student who is forbidden to have a girlfriend. they still all fight over him.

Maria saunters in and begins: "so why are you guys talking abotu what you're wearing to the game? you're coming to the retreat."

girls reply: "yea, after the game"

maria: "then i guess you are coming"

girls: "WHAT?"

maria : you know what dorrie said about coming late--she's not having it

(a plethora of whining begins and i begin to see red...i HATE whinning)

maria: ok, seriously. lets be serious here. 1.) your football team ,well girls out of love, i need you to know they suck. 2.)i don't know if you know this, but Christ was CRUCIFIED, which ,means He DIED, as in His life was over, done, kaput, on a CROSS for YOU.
i don't know about you, but that seems like a pretty big deal, a HUGE sacrifice. i think that if He in His humanity could do this for your unworthy soul, you could probably give up ONE weekend for Him.

(maria experiences shocked faces and more whining)

Maria: ok, let me ask you this--if Jesus was sitting here in front of you in my place and asked you to come spend a weekend with Him, what would you say?

(they all mumble, 'well, yes')

Maria: YOU HYPOCRITS!!! Jesus lives inside me, so in me asking you, i am acting like Jesus and you are telling me no, which is you also tellin Jesus, your Love, your Savior, no.

(Maria gets up and leaves)

Smooth...way smooth.

At the end of the retreat, i have 5 or so girls come up and thank me for guilting them into going to the best retreat of their life. Thank you Jesus, for using me as your spokes-person. Anytime you want to cause a ruckus, i'm your gal.

No comments: